Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Sat Purkh, Me, and Guru Purkh Kaur at Sat Atma's engagement party on Saturday April 8th

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Wow, so its been months. I am doing a new and exciting project for the Khalsa Council (http://www.khalsacouncil.com/). I am the KC Secretary and we have meetings twice a year that I help to deliver. I do all the logistics for the meetings and usually do one amazingly creative project that I present to the Council of 200 International Sikh Ministers from all over the world.

This time I get to do an amazing project of documenting how the Guru is working through us. I grew up as a Western Sikh under the guidance of the Siri Singh Sahib. He passed away 1 and 1/2 years ago right after I moved here to Espanola. So, since the passing of our beloved teacher, though some might have questioned what our next steps were as a Global Sangat, I am realizing that we are alive and kicking.

The amazingly creative project that I'm doing is to document what is happening all over the globe in relation to Sikhs and students of the Siri Singh Sahib. This is a daunting task of researching who, where, and what is going on, so I am thankful to have the help of Gurumustuk Singh who has already been doing a lot of the footwork through his blog. With that, I have gone through every single blog post, and yes, it has taken me a while to go through it. I am also going through many of the other blogger's sites that are linked off of his. I am truly amazed and blessed to be connected to all those in the world this way.

What I'm finding is the power of the Guru really working through us.

And, in that regard, I want to update you on the last few months. In December at Winter Solstice down in Florida (http://www.3ho.org/) I took Amrit. There are a few pictures listed below. Since then, I feel a lot of things in my life have been really hard. I came back home to hear that a dear friend of mine died in a car accident. She was someone that I knew from college and soooo amazing. Missy was the sort of person who walked into a room and made everyone feel comfortable just with her presence. She would always give the most amazing hugs and LOVE to everyone. She was someone who truly lived life. I have always heard growing up that Guru Gobind Singh said to 'Live every moment like it was your last.' This dear sister of mine embodied this statement. Missy Barron, I love you and miss you a lot.

Now, this is the second friend of mine who has died since November. Lili Cloud died in November from Cancer. What is really weird is that Missy and Lili were best friends. Missy even went to take care of Lili in her last days. Now, I have really done some soul searching to figure this out - and I have to give it to the Guru because I'm not sure why that happened. On a spiritual level, I am happy that they are with God and supporting each other. I am happy for them to have completed this journey, to have ferried across the world ocean. However, on a personal and ego level, I miss them dearly. There is a lot of anger, grief, and sadness that I feel about their passing.

It was really strange that these profound life changing events happened right around my decision to take Amrit. I know that to me taking Amrit represented my relationship with the Guru and letting go of those things that which didn’t serve me anymore. I know that when I took Amrit, I was giving my head to the Guru so that I no longer needed to make decisions. The whole act was a representation of my faith in the higher order of the universe and in the Guru.

However, due to the passing of my friends, I seemed to have lost a lot of faith. When Lili died of cancer, it was gradual process of acceptance because I knew she was going to die. But, when Missy died, it took my whole psyche by storm. I just don’t know why she had to go. It is not for me to know, as I know it is the perfect destiny, but I have lost a lot of faith in that perfect destiny since then.

It’s 4 months later and I’m only now realizing all of this. I’m sitting here crying because grief runs so deep, deeper than one would ever expect. At first it hit me really hard that she died, and then I sort of had to put it in the back of my consciousness. Well, I guess now its time to deal with it.

My Anger: Why did she have to go? She was so full of life and love. What is this master plan that unfolds everything? I have always believed that part of my mission on the planet is to work with my brothers and sisters who are Warriors of Light to help serve in the shift of frequency on the planet from the Piscean to the Aquarian Age. I know that all of those who have touched me in my life are the Warriors of Light who stand with me side by side as we face the challenges of now.
With the loss of these beautiful Warriors, I feel, well, unsupported by the Universe. I know that they are doing their work on other levels, but in my egotistical self, What About the Mission? Why? Why? Why?

My Sadness and Grief: I miss them so much, just knowing that they were on the planet still. They were taken when they had so much to give. I guess nothing to give anymore, though.

It’s really hard for me to accept the part of the cycle that is death. I’m not going to lie. It’s really hard. Now, I know that if you look at the seasons or the cycle of the moon, the death always needs to happen in order for there to be life again, but when you are physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, spiritually living in it, that is when things get tough. Who signed me up for this? I know it is a gift and the more I can go into the anger and the grief and learn what I need to and then release it, the better ---- but it’s FAR easier said than done.

Wahe Guru.

I don’t think I can write anymore right now.