Saturday, April 08, 2006

Wow, so its been months. I am doing a new and exciting project for the Khalsa Council (http://www.khalsacouncil.com/). I am the KC Secretary and we have meetings twice a year that I help to deliver. I do all the logistics for the meetings and usually do one amazingly creative project that I present to the Council of 200 International Sikh Ministers from all over the world.

This time I get to do an amazing project of documenting how the Guru is working through us. I grew up as a Western Sikh under the guidance of the Siri Singh Sahib. He passed away 1 and 1/2 years ago right after I moved here to Espanola. So, since the passing of our beloved teacher, though some might have questioned what our next steps were as a Global Sangat, I am realizing that we are alive and kicking.

The amazingly creative project that I'm doing is to document what is happening all over the globe in relation to Sikhs and students of the Siri Singh Sahib. This is a daunting task of researching who, where, and what is going on, so I am thankful to have the help of Gurumustuk Singh who has already been doing a lot of the footwork through his blog. With that, I have gone through every single blog post, and yes, it has taken me a while to go through it. I am also going through many of the other blogger's sites that are linked off of his. I am truly amazed and blessed to be connected to all those in the world this way.

What I'm finding is the power of the Guru really working through us.

And, in that regard, I want to update you on the last few months. In December at Winter Solstice down in Florida (http://www.3ho.org/) I took Amrit. There are a few pictures listed below. Since then, I feel a lot of things in my life have been really hard. I came back home to hear that a dear friend of mine died in a car accident. She was someone that I knew from college and soooo amazing. Missy was the sort of person who walked into a room and made everyone feel comfortable just with her presence. She would always give the most amazing hugs and LOVE to everyone. She was someone who truly lived life. I have always heard growing up that Guru Gobind Singh said to 'Live every moment like it was your last.' This dear sister of mine embodied this statement. Missy Barron, I love you and miss you a lot.



Now, this is the second friend of mine who has died since November. Lili Cloud died in November from Cancer. What is really weird is that Missy and Lili were best friends. Missy even went to take care of Lili in her last days. Now, I have really done some soul searching to figure this out - and I have to give it to the Guru because I'm not sure why that happened. On a spiritual level, I am happy that they are with God and supporting each other. I am happy for them to have completed this journey, to have ferried across the world ocean. However, on a personal and ego level, I miss them dearly. There is a lot of anger, grief, and sadness that I feel about their passing.


It was really strange that these profound life changing events happened right around my decision to take Amrit. I know that to me taking Amrit represented my relationship with the Guru and letting go of those things that which didn’t serve me anymore. I know that when I took Amrit, I was giving my head to the Guru so that I no longer needed to make decisions. The whole act was a representation of my faith in the higher order of the universe and in the Guru.

However, due to the passing of my friends, I seemed to have lost a lot of faith. When Lili died of cancer, it was gradual process of acceptance because I knew she was going to die. But, when Missy died, it took my whole psyche by storm. I just don’t know why she had to go. It is not for me to know, as I know it is the perfect destiny, but I have lost a lot of faith in that perfect destiny since then.

It’s 4 months later and I’m only now realizing all of this. I’m sitting here crying because grief runs so deep, deeper than one would ever expect. At first it hit me really hard that she died, and then I sort of had to put it in the back of my consciousness. Well, I guess now its time to deal with it.

My Anger: Why did she have to go? She was so full of life and love. What is this master plan that unfolds everything? I have always believed that part of my mission on the planet is to work with my brothers and sisters who are Warriors of Light to help serve in the shift of frequency on the planet from the Piscean to the Aquarian Age. I know that all of those who have touched me in my life are the Warriors of Light who stand with me side by side as we face the challenges of now.
With the loss of these beautiful Warriors, I feel, well, unsupported by the Universe. I know that they are doing their work on other levels, but in my egotistical self, What About the Mission? Why? Why? Why?

My Sadness and Grief: I miss them so much, just knowing that they were on the planet still. They were taken when they had so much to give. I guess nothing to give anymore, though.

It’s really hard for me to accept the part of the cycle that is death. I’m not going to lie. It’s really hard. Now, I know that if you look at the seasons or the cycle of the moon, the death always needs to happen in order for there to be life again, but when you are physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, spiritually living in it, that is when things get tough. Who signed me up for this? I know it is a gift and the more I can go into the anger and the grief and learn what I need to and then release it, the better ---- but it’s FAR easier said than done.

Wahe Guru.

I don’t think I can write anymore right now.

10 Comments:

At April 09, 2006 4:27 AM, Blogger manpreet kaur said...

Sat Shri Akal!

I can feel your sadness.
One day you will accept that they are no longer here, but it takes time...
Cherish the memories you have of them, they will feel so close. You will feel their arms to comfort you. And when you want to cry,feel that Waheguru is holding you and soothing you by assuring they are with Him.
I will think of you in my prayers, to give you strength and acceptance. May Waheguru bless you!!!

 
At April 09, 2006 1:12 PM, Blogger gurudarshan said...

Thank you so much for your support. This is quite a journey to move my relationship of love and attachment from Humans to God and Guru.

Wahe Guru

 
At April 09, 2006 2:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Firstly i must Congratulate you upon joining the Khalsa Panth, it is a very big committment but its an experience that just can't be put into words.

About your loss, its very hard to overcome the loss of loved-ones. i know it is very hard to accept Vaheguroo Ji's will, but Guru Ji is always with you.

Vaheguroo

 
At April 09, 2006 6:01 PM, Blogger Gurumustuk Singh said...

You're awesome Gurudarshan...keep up...sometimes we just have to flow with things and realize that sometimes there is a bigger purpose in some things that happen. Or at least lessons to learn which can empower us to become better people.

Thanks for sharing!

 
At April 11, 2006 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am very sorry to hear the bad news and its not easy to see loved ones to depart from this earth. You should cherish good memories.

I would like to make another comment or two:

When loved ones depart from us we always point towards God and ask him or her why my family or friends, And we get angry at God and we end up distancing ourselves from God's love or the love we have towards God.

However, what I have realized that we are God's children and sometimes God just want back his or her children back home sooner or later.

we should cry or get depressed if we knew that we are going to stay over here forever, but one day everything perishes in physical form. So, lets not spend time in depression but sing shabads which will drench our hearts with love.

Guru Gobind singh ji was only NINE years old when he suggested his father(9th Guru) to die for hindu nation along with other great sikh souls. At that age still Guru ji was in God's will and showed no sorrow. Then Guruji gave away his four sons and mother to save the humanity from islam. Even after losing everything he was not demoralized but was in God's hukum.


ONe last thing:
It is VERY difficult to walk on the path of truth. ON this path of truth, there are lot of obstacles and the journey seems to tedious and very loong, but at the end the result very fruitful and quenches all thirsts of this life.

But always there is another path, which is very easy, short cuts, seems lot of fun, main stream but at the end there is nothing left in our hands.

So, the choice is in our hands to which path to take.


May Guru ji keep your spirit up lifted.

 
At April 11, 2006 5:06 PM, Blogger gurudarshan said...

Wow, what profound words of wisdom. I am touched at the depth of all you who are supporting me through the universe. I am so thankful to know and hear your caring and love for both a sister you have never met, and for this path that we get to share in.

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa!
Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh!

 
At April 26, 2006 3:59 PM, Blogger Mukhande Kaur said...

Vahe Guroo
Vahe Guroo
Vahe Guroo
I have never experienced someone souly I was close to… physically leave me.. All I can share are really words of compassion and pure love. All things come from God, and all things go to God. Sometimes we love so selflessly and possessively. When in the first place they were never really are own but Gods. We nurture, share, experience, grow and become attached. It is your soul that desires too leave your physical body.. I will pray for you to embody this experience as a holy union, with our beloved lord husband. . It s is a time of joy because the soul has longed for this union. And one is no longer physically suffering. Sadness at this time is an experience os ones individual loss departed. That we grow from, and connect with God even more. Regarding this time as an opportunity to love and accept God’s will. Why? Why? Why? We ask… Despite my intellectual, philosophical acceptance of the fact that death is surely liberation. I have not fully experienced it…Grieving is natural. For our feeling of separation and our missing joy of that person being there with us is there. Grieving is for our own well-being. We must embrace faith, prayer and the loving support from loving Sadh sanghat and completely immerse yourself in the love for God and Guru Ji. GurSikhs always seem to get tested after they have amrit chako.. How much faith do you really have in your Guru? :)She merging with the Lord . It is really so romantic when you give it to God.. this eternal bond of cosmic ecstatic love affair between both Gods beauty and potency manifesting as Guru and Gods force and kissing eternally the feet of the Guru Ji. .Khalsa the cosmic sword of Akaal purukh.Khalsa is the power,beauty,love,light,life incarnate of GURU GOBIND SINGH in whose pure atma exists millions of universes.Khalsa is the melodious enchanting sound current that of the highest Grace of God is you. She is no longer limited to her physically body, but you can feel her in the air, radiating from the sun nurturing you 10 fold more. I look forward to spending time with you this summer.

All my love...VaheGurooooooo
Mukhande Kaur~*

 
At April 26, 2006 3:59 PM, Blogger Mukhande Kaur said...

Vahe Guroo
Vahe Guroo
Vahe Guroo
I have never experienced someone souly I was close to… physically leave me.. All I can share are really words of compassion and pure love. All things come from God, and all things go to God. Sometimes we love so selflessly and possessively. When in the first place they were never really are own but Gods. We nurture, share, experience, grow and become attached. It is your soul that desires too leave your physical body.. I will pray for you to embody this experience as a holy union, with our beloved lord husband. . It s is a time of joy because the soul has longed for this union. And one is no longer physically suffering. Sadness at this time is an experience os ones individual loss departed. That we grow from, and connect with God even more. Regarding this time as an opportunity to love and accept God’s will. Why? Why? Why? We ask… Despite my intellectual, philosophical acceptance of the fact that death is surely liberation. I have not fully experienced it…Grieving is natural. For our feeling of separation and our missing joy of that person being there with us is there. Grieving is for our own well-being. We must embrace faith, prayer and the loving support from loving Sadh sanghat and completely immerse yourself in the love for God and Guru Ji. GurSikhs always seem to get tested after they have amrit chako.. How much faith do you really have in your Guru? :)She merging with the Lord . It is really so romantic when you give it to God.. this eternal bond of cosmic ecstatic love affair between both Gods beauty and potency manifesting as Guru and Gods force and kissing eternally the feet of the Guru Ji. .Khalsa the cosmic sword of Akaal purukh.Khalsa is the power,beauty,love,light,life incarnate of GURU GOBIND SINGH in whose pure atma exists millions of universes.Khalsa is the melodious enchanting sound current that of the highest Grace of God is you. She is no longer limited to her physically body, but you can feel her in the air, radiating from the sun nurturing you 10 fold more. I look forward to spending time with you this summer.

All my love...VaheGurooooooo
Mukhande Kaur~*

 
At April 27, 2006 9:11 PM, Blogger Simranjit Singh Khalsa said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At April 27, 2006 9:45 PM, Blogger Simranjit Singh Khalsa said...

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

Gurudarshan Kaur, you are a beautiful princess of our father Guru Gobind Singh and now you are broken from the inside. This is not right. Now, I am not going to say oh yeah I felt bad too or share my sympathy with you like others did, NO I will not do that but I will tell you something that might be helpful. Now, overhere I didn't mean that other gave you wrong advices. They are very good that I can't even think off but I am on the other side thinks different and that is:-

Gurudarshan Kaur Khalsa,you are a KHALSA, and you do not spoused to fell down with your heart and cry over what God has done. Our father always do good things for us, for any purpose. He loves us more than anything. We are his pride " Khalsa meri soba seela, khalsa band sakha sad dheela" and his pride is very high and brave. So be brave and high from these pains because Khalsa never gets the pain. Khalsa is a brave ethnicity, blessed to us by our father and he doesn't expect us to be like a soft baby or do wrong.

Now, If you still think that thinking about the deads is right thing than Can you imagine that Guru Gobind Singh cried after watching their four sons, family and the other khalsa sons (entire family) died. No, you cannot imagine that because Our father did not cried. God is never in Pain or he cries. The thing is that they are not dead, they are still alive and they are called SHAHEED. Our father is proud on their children and wants you to learn from them. " Khalsa mero pavan pandara, khalse kar mero sati-kara". You have no right to be a broken person in the khalsa world. Be like Sant Baba Deep Singh Ji and take him as a Idol because Baba ji is mine idol.

Now, I am sorry if you think that my wording was hard or hurting. But this is the truth and I just want to see you happy like you looks in your picture not weeping over the things that are lie (mithiya) because you are my sister and I do not want my sisters to be sad.
ALWAYS BE HAPPY,
Again I am very very sorry if I offended you.
Thanks for reading my opinion on this matter and if this means anything to you than please I will not like to see any other comments from you such as this one.

And one more thing, you really are beautiful and has a happy face, Keep it on sister.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

 

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