Monday, December 12, 2005

A little while later...

Sat Nam,

So I know that I haven't written in a little while. I have been busy healing in my life.
During Tantric, I got the blessing of seeing another person have an asthma attack. You might say, "Wow, but that's not good!"
I've lived with asthma my whole life. I have had it as long as I can remember. But, for the many times that I've had to go to the hospital with asthma attacks, I've never, ever seen anyone else have one. Strange, I know.
I was sitting in the Tantric lines doing the meditation and in the direct line of my vision was a 16 year old boy who was going through an attack that I know all too well. I felt so much compassion for him that I started to cry. It was unbelievable to see someone so overtaken with restriction. I saw my self.
After the exercise I made sure he was being looked after by the doctors we had participating in Tantric that day. Then, time went on and I kept on checking on him. A little while later, I saw him and he didn't look good. I knew that he had been fighting to breathe all day long. I saw how his hands and his lips were purple. I also saw that bewildered look in his eyes as he clamored to stay here in his body to overcome this inflamation - but it almost takes more energy to stay here when you've been fighting an attack for 4 or more hours.
I know this look and the thought patterns behind it. I remember it all too well.
I told my friend that even though he said he was fine, he wasn't. He had been struggling for too long, and it was time for him to really get help. I have had attacks where I've fought it off for 6, 8, or 10 hours even. It is a struggle to take your next breath. It is really hard because you are focusing so hard on trying to breathe, but you know that just to think about the fact that you can't breathe is overwhelming - and then you start to subtley panic amidst the shallow breaths. It is one of the hardest things to go through. I have always felt so helpless in these situations, but now I have been blessed to be the outsider looking in. I now know what it looks like to see someone so helpless. They called the paramedics and hooked him up to a nebulizer until he calmed down.

This was such a blessing for me, because with this new perspective (being the outsider for the first time), I, after 24 years on this earth, am making a conscious choice to NEVER have another asthma attack again. I just won't allow it.
Since I moved here, I have known what to do to get rid of Asthma. There is a Sikh doctor who has cured 24 out of 25 people. And, it all comes down to discipline.
I know that I need to be SO disciplined about my diet. I need to take out any allergy inducing foods such as wheat, dairy, sugar, tofu, and fruit - while still getting enough protein (as I am a vegetarian). So, I've always looked at this as, "AHHHHH - I won't be able to eat ANYTHING!!!!" However, what I'm realizing is that I can't look at this as a limiting thing. I have to look at this as the opportunity to support my body so much that I can clear myself of this thing I've carried around all my life: asthma. I know that it will be hard, but I know that it is worth it to never have to feel helpless again.
I also know that a breathing technique called Breath of Fire would be great for me to re-learn how to breathe and to dispel any toxins from my being. I would have to do it everyday.
I haven't started this yet, but.....if I really want to make this happen, I have to truly align my FULL being and get the job done.
Ultimately, though, as my doctor said today, it is about really envisioning what my life would be like if I didn't allow any self-destruction in it. So, it is all about conscious choices and loving myself so much that I really, truly, let go of that which does not serve me.

I can do it.

Wish me luck!

Blessings, Gurudarshan


At December 14, 2005 7:27 AM, Blogger xSHANTIx said...

Penji....i send my blessings your way. :D

At December 14, 2005 1:01 PM, Blogger dollar said...

Wahe Guru Ji Da Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji Di Fateh. I am dollar from India, nice blog, I would love to know more about "White Sikh's", I don't have much idea about Sikh's who are in US and other countries. If you don't mind please can u share same information with me. You can catch me at "", either u can mail me or we can chat, thanx, dollar !!

At January 01, 2006 2:25 PM, Blogger micki said...

Bless you Gurudarshan!
I know how you feel, I too have had to struggle with severe asthma.
I never had it as a child, but it developed a few years ago as a result of almost dieing from pneumonia.
Changing one's diet does help, and so do the breathing exercises like breath of fire, there is also a breathing technique called buteyko you might look into,
I have utilized all these things, and they have helped if not completly cured me. Healing is a process.
May you overcome this valiantly.

Gurusandesh kaur

At January 01, 2006 2:27 PM, Blogger micki said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At April 29, 2006 2:54 PM, Blogger Harpreet said...

Hello..I was just looking up a way to download Japji Sahib and I came across your blog. I think that Waheguru guided me to you. I have the same problems as you. I am only sixteen years old and I have been having asthma problems since I was born. I resent the fact that other people have normal lives and I don't. I miss so much school and work just because of these asthma problems. I have this feeling inside me that I have to talk to you because you are undergoing similar problems as me. May Waheguru bless you sister.

Harpreet Kaur

At August 19, 2006 10:44 AM, Blogger SatAtmaKaur said...

Sat Siri Akal Ji
Dear Gurudarshan Kaur
I know very well about the restirctions in one's diet, and asthma is familiar too. Every time I catch a cold/flu, out comes my Ventoline too. But then, importance of looking after oneself is so necessary that only when you fall ill, you know what you have lost. My prayers are with you, keep up, I know you are doing well.
Much love
Sat Atma Kaur :-)


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